Weddings are so beautiful: the cake, the dress, the emotional speeches. And then you have the photos being uploaded to Facebook, the countless likes and comments. The couple walks into an ambiguous tomorrow…like the end of a Hollywood movie.

And then reality sets in. Or, the mundane circumstances of everyday life. The common, the boring, and the trivial.

It’s during this time that EVERY married man will experience a crisis of trust.

I was married for one year before I had my “crisis of trust.” One day, it just hit me…”Oh sh*t! This woman can destroy the life!” It wasn’t that I believed that she would do it; it was the fact that she had the power to. Via marriage, I had given her a key to my potential destruction. She could be the Brutus to my Caesar. The Robin Givens to my Mike Tyson.

200202454-001
The fear of every married man. After she says “I do,” you might be done for…

Eventually, I overcame my fear. I realized that I could not live with jealousy for the rest of my life. So the best thing I could do was excel, reaffirming my dedication to the Alpha-male lifestyle. My dedication to this goal, along with the bond we had already created, would be the best “glue” for our marriage.

Not long after, I spoke with several other married men on the topic. As it turns out, they also had the “crisis of trust.” One guy was searching his gal’s telephone while she was sleeping, another guy  was looking through his wife’s laptop, etc. Every man went through the same thing. And funny enough, these men eventually came to the same conclusion as I did – you cannot live in constant fear that your wife will cheat on you. So you have to exchange your doubts for your peace of mind.

The majority of married men will eventually trust their wives – not because they are 100% sure of her fidelity, but because they cannot accept a life of continual jealousy and fear.

See Related Article: What’s the Most Pathetic Love Song of All Time?

 

 

14 thoughts on “Every Married Man Will Experience a Crisis of Trust

  1. Interesting. I know for certain that my husband goes through the tech in our house pretty regularly. Checking out what everyone is doing, not just me.

    He picks up my phone whenever he feels like it. I make a point of not doing that to him, but he is very open with his as well. He even makes a point of having me answer it and take messages; particularly when an extra-friendly female client is calling. He finds it is a good indicator that he is not married in name only.

    I have to ask him about the whole “crisis of trust” thing. I suspect that if he had it, it was many years ago now.

    We, women, have those crises by the way. Not that he could destroy my life in the same way, although in reality he could. 23 years out of the workforce is a vulnerable state in which to find oneself should the unthinkable happen.

    But the idea that only women are in a position to implode their spouse’s life is way oversold in these conversations.

    1. “But the idea that only women are in a position to implode their spouse’s life is way oversold in these conversations.”

      Surely women do, but their concerns seem a bit more publicized in the public sphere. The insecurities of men are not displayed as much since, in my opinion, that would make women look bad: i.e. untrustworthy. And the TV/movie media would not go there, since women are their primary client(s).

  2. Crisis of Trust? Doesn’t ring a bell and not something I’ve experienced either. Dr C and I have been married for 46 years, from the word go only had a single joint bank account, a single joint credit card, a single joint savings account … you can’t get more trusting than that. It’s all about personal values so that when we “signed up for life” we meant it because to do otherwise was in conflict with our personal integrity.

    1. All of our stuff has been joint from day one as well. Actually BEFORE day one. I don’t know that Major is referring to outward actions of separation or doubt.

      That said, I think it’s great that you have been married 46 years and never worried about anything ever with regard to your mate’s commitment. My husband has never given me any reason to doubt his fidelity or commitment, but my internal issues and demons were my own, and there was very little he could have done differently to silence the voices of insecurity that were in my head during our early years of marriage.

      1. He may not have been, but the connection between mind and behaviour is always with us and those early outward actions are signs of complete trust. Total sharing needs total trust and total trust leads to total sharing. It’s a bit that that trick question about honesty, you cannot be partially honest, it’s all or none.

    2. You are lucky in that regard, Dr. B. And 46 years is proof of your success.

      Perhaps the Major is a jaded chap. Either way, I am on board the trust train far more than the average bloke, I imagine.

  3. this post made me think of these verses:

    Mark 9:23-25New King James Version (NKJV)
    23 Jesus said to him, “If you can believe,[a] all things are possible to him who believes.”

    24 Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”

    25 When Jesus saw that the people came running together, He rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it: “Deaf and dumb spirit, I command you, come out of him and enter him no more!”

    – – –

    i find it interesting what causes one’s ‘unbelief’ … or lack of trust. what is one’s weak spot? where is one’s ‘breaking point?’ does everyone discover that place within themselves? or are there some who escape that brink?

    i know that when i found out my first husband had been unfaithful you could have knocked me dead with a feather. funny i don’t worry about that with this husband i’m married to now; one would think i would given my first experience with marriage, but i don’t.

    i know they’ve talked about in the manosphere that once a woman has broken her husband’s trust, it’s gone. she will never regain what she had beforehand (rightfully so). it seems men are more concrete about things and leave them where they are unless something dictates they should be moved.

    women tend to be more wishy-washy – perhaps because we’re more driven by emotions? in general i think women need to repeatedly consciously choose … to trust, to submit, to respect, etc. it’s not always a one-time choice but a continuous choice. this is where i’ve gently ‘debated’ some men out here who state that IF a husband ____, THEN his wife will ____. to a point i agree that a strong, confident man is easier to follow, but, regardless of who her husband is, she must still choose. even if he is the greatest thing ever – since before and after sliced bread – who he is does not control her behavior – she still must choose. culture has foolishly given women the freedom to choose loosely and stupidly and still be rewarded.

    1. “i don’t worry about that with this husband i’m married to now; one would think i would given my first experience with marriage, but i don’t”

      It sounds like you got it right the second time around (as did I…this being my second marriage).

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s